Sunday, April 6, 2014

With Every Dream I Weave, Gives me a heartache

 when u turn ur back
and walk to ur home
i still stay there for long
with a teary eye and hope
that you may return.
But you never return


when i express my love
and u say you care
i doubt you do
you have a life
i have none


i crave for u to be beside
for u to hold me all night
but far you go
to embrace someone else
someone you love
someone you care


and i die a little by little
with every night
with every day
with every dream i weave
gives me a heartache.

                                        - Nandita Prakash

Saturday, April 27, 2013

and here i write again




and here i write again
i had forgotten to live
to laugh ..to be me
but now i release all my barriers
all my fears
to flow through my words
and reach someone dear.

to think from this heart
and not my brain
who claims to rule my heart
unaware dat i m ruled
by another soul and not me
i m already slaved and not free

and still i skip a heartbeat
walk several miles
just to feel
that i am alive
keep wondering
the fate and destiny
do i hav few happiness or many?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

INTELLECTUAL IMPOTENCE


Intellectual impotence is very difficult to identity and even greater difficult to expose.
Well its a recently discovered phrase (credit goes to my brilliant mind).
But there is a possibility of i being ignorant of the fact that it already exists.

However, even if i dont know if it really exists or has some pre-concluded meaning, i have my own:
Intellectual Impotence is the inability to see/being able to acknowledge even slightest of the posibilities that some other human being can also have an intellect which is worth a listening & understanding.

many people are infected with this kind if impotence but they simply refuse to believe that they are Impotent.
Such people are fond of talking crap, and they dont realize how shitty is the crap.
When people show the courtesy of bearing their crap, they think they are great rhetorics.
Hight of stupidity occurs when they refuse other intellects by simply believing theirs to be THE INTELLECT.

Well all this can be better explained when you see the real life characters.

Now i would not do that for you, but you can do it for yourself.
tommorrow go out and closely watch your Manager or Boss in office.Come back and watch your GF/BF do the same and ya spouse belong to no other specie.

since the problem is highly contageous
Prevention is better than cure so you can prevent it by keeping yourself away from such people.
Resign from your jobs, break -up from you relationships, get a divorce but save yourself from being Impotent.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Shadow



She was looking at him crying helplessly. Yelling out her name, as he always did when he could not find her in the house. But this cry was more painful, dreadful, loud & disheartening. She wanted to sit beside him & calm him down. But she simply could not. She tried several times but he did not acknowledge her presence. What was wrong? And then she saw herself lying on the floor cold & white. She was dead six hours ago. A small slip from the bedroom stairs & there she was lying dead on the living room & there he was sitting beside her dead body devastated.



A courtship of five years and marriage of five months and a relationship of an entire lifetime-all disappeared in a second. It was much more hard than difficult for him to come back to his normal routine. He would try to occupy his mind in work, work late & avoid coming back to his dead house. Sleepless nights, wet pillows & an empty bedside. Flipping through all her photographs & to keep looking at her wanting to touch her, kiss her, and feel her. And she would sit beside him all the time looking at him undergo such pain. More painful was the fact that she was around but yet not. He couldn’t see her & she couldn’t tell him.



She had refused to go with the Holy light & start a new life. She wanted to be with him & see him recover & get a normal life. She had become restless & wanted to make her presence felt. She started finding out various ways of communicating from her state to the living world. She needed it so badly that finally happened. One morning when he woke up he heard the bathroom shower on. He thought she must be in there, but on the second thought he rushed inside the washroom to see the shower running. With a cup of tea, he went to his living room & smelt the same old fragrance of white lilies. She had liked them & would always keep them in the vase near the kitchen. They were there even today. But then who else would have brought it today. May be some of the servants were trying to remember her. Rushing through the pages of newspaper, he saw some words highlighted with red. And to put them together, it said “ I am here”. The hint was loud enough to capture. He was happy to know that she was around & could see him & probably hear him too.



Now he would talk to her without expecting any reply & she would listen to all his useless talks. But with time his talks became less with her but more on phone. She felt forgotten & like every housewife does at least once in her lifetime. One day he came back with one of his colleagues. They chatted all evening, had few drinks together & went out around midnight. She was worried for him more than she was worried for herself. That same girl started coming home very often. He was happy talking to her & caressing her hair sometimes. She was angry as any wife would be. One morning, she got a coffee mug spilled on his newspaper, a broken window of the bedroom, scattered pens 7 papers in the study room



He was ready to start a new life with someone new. He didn’t want her around. He wanted her to leave him & go. But she had nowhere to go. She had refused a new life only to bring him back to his normal life and now when he was back to enjoying life, he demanded her absence. She stayed in the same house without making her presence felt ever. She saw him marry that girl, saw them making love in her very bed, have children & live happily ever after. While she remained to be a shadow.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Things Happen When They Have To Happen



Life was full of fun for him in London. Famous in his college for his Charm.He was the best friend anyone can ever had & the brightest in the class. Fond of helping friends, completing assignments & party all weekends. Coming back to India was definitely not a very good idea.


As far as rich Indian families are concerned, they always wish their kids to go abroad to study & always come back to serve the family business & of course the nation. Who cares about the emotional turmoil the kid undergoes. But Manav was a sensible lad, had always been. When he came back to India, it took him six months to meet all his relatives. Sometimes he would wonder if half of India was related to his family. Hundreds of cousins & other relatives but not even a single friend. All day feasting & he was happy to indulge in lavish rich spicy Indian food after having continental for those many years. Family’s immense love started showing on his body & he gained enormous weight. With increase in weight there was a decrease in his interests and cheerfulness. He would go to visit different construction sites on behalf of his father and spend evenings listening to music in his room.


Trying to revive his old hobbies, he pulled out his acoustic guitar one evening & started straightening its chords leisurely sitting on the terrace. In the evening silence touched by some of its chords, he heard a soft humming. He stopped to hear the voice again which was louder & sweeter now coming from the adjacent terrace. What a beautiful & tender voice it was. Manav couldn’t stop himself from peeping in the other side. There he saw a girl sitting on the swing with a book in one hand & singing. This beautiful feeling was enough to wake him up early next morning. He had something new in his life.



While going out to work, he saw that girl coming out of her house. She was asimple but a very beautiful girl with a glow similar to a flower & tenderness of a fresh leaf. All day long, he thought about her and cursed himself for not being able to see such a beauty living so close to him. Then he thought of the best ways of approaching her but found none to be convincing. For the first time, he felt conscious about his being overweight. He could gather no courage to meet  the girl as he thought he looked unattractive. With this came another thought in his mind-Gyming. Why what else people do to reduce fat immediately?


He worked hard in gym for weeks altogether & even became conscious of his diet. But there was not much considerable reduction in his weight or flab. Disappointed, thought he will never come back and rather sit & eat all day. Forget about the girl, he Is never gona get her. While he was going out, he happens to see an aerobics class happening in the adjacent room. There she was dancing like a butterfly. He got his motivation. He had to come back & he did. If not for his workout, but for her. To see her few glimpses here & there.


Manika, completely unaware of Manav’s affections, but filled with hers, could take our different opportunities to see him. In fact, he was the only reason why she was at the gym. She had been following him since they were teenagers. All the years when he was abroad, unaware of Manika remembering him, she silently waited for him. She would peep in the gyming area to see him lost with dumbles when he would be least aware. Every morning she would peep out from her window to see him drive off & then hear him play guitar on the terrace till late night. She always thought he would never notice her as she was sober & simple.



One evening hoping to catch a glimpse of her, Manav was sitting on the terrace checking his Facebook account. Flipping through old memories at College, reading messages from his friends & feeling sad about being away from them. Just then a friend request popped up. Some unknown girl with Naitri (from the movie Avatar) as her profile pic. Navina Roz- the name was not at all familiar to Manav so he sent a message to enquire. Narina Roz dint tell much but just that she knows him well and it was time for him to know her too. Intrigued but not much convinced, Manav accepted her friends request. Manika was more happy than she had ever been in her life. This was the only way to get close to him & to know him better. And one day she may make him fall for her.



Days went by; Manav kept gyming with a hope to impress Manika & Manika kept chatting with Manav with the same hope. Navina became  good friends with Manav. He would share with her all his worries, anxieties &moments of happiness. But one thing he never shared with Navina was his feelings towards Manika;  His desperation to know her and be with her all the time. He liked chatting with Navika as he felt lighter & better.



Receiving some part of his affections, it was becoming difficult for Manika to hold herself anymore. She wanted to love & to be loved. Now was the time when she wanted to go ahead & try all her chances. So one evening she proposed him online. He was astonished & worried and what not. It was then when he had to tell Navika about his affections towards another girl which is unlikely to fade away but rather will ignite more with time. He liked Navika as a friend and loved chatting with her & he wished it would remain the same. For Manika, Manav had not rejected Navika but her .The fact that Manav could love someone else was more devastating than anything. She was feeling choked of painful emotions. She wanted to yell out, cry aloud so she ran up to the terrace. And there he was standing& waiting for her. Somewhere Navika made him realize that it was getting too late to keep his feelings to himself & that if he didn’t tell Manika about his feelings, it may go very late. So he jumped up her terrace to tell her right away.



Manav told Manika about his feelings that he had been struggling with from past one year. Manika was in tears when she told him that she understands as she has been struggling too from past ten years.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Remembering LEH





Smitten by the view
Carried by the wind
Pushed by the river
Caress by the spring

And when I met
This another world
It left me numb
A passive receiver

Astonished were my eyes
Unstoppable was my breathe
And only thing I could think
This was the real world

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Such Is Life

And its darker than the darkness ever
heavier than the earth
breaks every bone in you
treats you very harsh

you given up broken & defeated
but it still leaves you not
you crawl as you have
no feet no spine

forgives you never for
the faults you never had
punishes you for mistakes
you never made

you are as grave as
a stone could be
as dead as a
dead would be

such is the grip
of a life
even death cant release
you from its' claws